In almost every family law situation, court is the worst place to resolve disputes. Why? Because the adversarial system is designed to foster conflict and, as a result, it takes broken families and smashes their co-parenting chances sometimes forever. The system is set up to pad the pockets of attorneys who all too often are willing to sacrifice the long-term well-being of children for financial and power gains that they or their misinformed clients think they deserve.
Litigation in family law over and over again turns what could be an amicable family status change into lifelong animosity deeply wounded parents and their children. Staying out of court should be a priority for nearly every person dealing with family law issues, but it is vitally important for those with children. The impact of the conflicts from a family law court battles can scar children for life.
This is not to say that a parent and children who have been exposed to domestic violence, child abuse, and child sexual abuse should stay out of court if doing so would expose those individuals to more harm. But even in those situations, if the other parent is willing to handle the case amicably and you and the children can still be protected and well, intense and very expensive litigation does not need to be the first option. There are ways to protect children first with an amicable approach and then, if needed, litigation efforts can begin but only if truly necessary.
Children First Family Law understands the pain and burden children suffer when their parents are in conflict. We aim when possible to find solutions that preserve what remains of family relationships so that both children and parents can flourish in the future.
Options for Resolving Family Law Disputes Out of Court
When you turn to a judge to resolve disputes over what happens to your children, you give up control. You have no control over the outcome. The parenting plan that the court sets up may be terrible for the children and for you.
Other options enable you to resolve disputes in a less adversarial, more relaxed atmosphere. When you and your attorneys are not so focused on trying to “win,” your creative solutions that work for everyone.
These options include:
- Mediation
- Arbitration
- Working with a parenting coordinator
- Using a PC/DM to develop personalized solutions
Every option out of court provides a more economical resolution that can be scheduled on your terms rather than tied to the docket of an overbooked court system and the whims of judges who may or may not truly understand your perspective or do what you think is best for your kids. Every out-of-court option also provides a way for you to protect your child from damaging conflict while still fashioning effective plans to meet their needs – which you know best, far better than the judge.
Mediation
A mediator is a neutral third party trained in facilitating discussion and dispute resolution. While mediators are often attorneys and they may be able to explain some aspects of the law, they do not serve in the role of attorneys when mediating a dispute. They do not provide advice and they do not advocate for one party or the other. Instead, they help parties who disagree on one or more issues to find aspects of the situation that they can agree on, and from there they help the parties find their own compromise solutions. A mediator does not impose solutions but guides parties to find their own answers. Attorney Krista Nash has been trained through Harvard Business School’s Negotiation Mastery program and the National Association of Certified Mediators and has extensive experience in mediation with her own family law cases and as a child advocate. She has also been evaluated and approved by Office of Dispute Resolution (ODR) as an ODR mediator in Colorado. She brings extensive training in DV, child abuse, and child sexual abuse to the table as well, having completed and exceeded all the training requirements for Child and Family Investigators and Child Legal Representatives. She is a local and national speaker on how to best advocate for children in family law cases and is a passionate advocate for bringing parents together to best meet children’s needs.
Arbitration
When collaborative efforts have stalled, it is often effective to resolve disputes with the assistance of an arbitrator. An arbitrator renders decisions like a judge. However, the process of arbitration is less formal than proceedings in court, and the level of conflict and cost can be reduced considerably. Presenting conflicted issues to an arbitrator for decision instead of a judge saves time and money, but more importantly, it allows both parties to feel comfortable explaining the reasoning behind their position. They can ensure that they are heard, included, and considered before a decision is reached.
Parenting Coordinator/Decision-Maker
We often take on the role of parenting coordinator (PC) or decision-maker (DM) or both (PC/DM) for parents. After a court enters a parenting plan, a PC, DM or PC/DM can provide invaluable ongoing assistance in the resolution of disputes in the future involving parental responsibilities. Sometimes a court order also gives the PC decision-making authority in the event the parties cannot resolve the dispute even with the PC’s assistance. Attorney Krista Nash provides a peaceful yet decisive PC/DM style that aids in reducing conflict to reach beneficial resolutions for children and parents. In her PC/DM work, Krista Nash follows the guidelines established by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), which provides for the most effective form of alternative dispute resolution.
Let Children First Family Law Keep You Out of Court
The conflict of family law litigation is damaging to children in ways that may not be apparent for years. When you can resolve parenting conflicts out of court, you protect your children and preserve the co-parenting relationship to pave the way for smooth transitions, flourishing growth, and positive family interactions for the future.
When you work with Children First to stay out of court, you truly put your children first.