Trust between co-parents can feel nearly impossible to rebuild after a difficult divorce, especially when one parent is deeply skeptical of the other’s intentions. In this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista welcomes back Dr. Michael Saini, a leading psychologist and children’s rights advocate based in Toronto. With a prolific body of research in family law and child well-being, Dr. Saini returns to discuss how trust—or the lack of it—can shape the entire co-parenting relationship.
Krista and Dr. Saini explore why rebuilding trust isn’t about perfection, but rather working toward “good enough” parenting, where both parties commit to reliability, open communication, and mutual respect. They discuss how trust-related breakdowns often lead to cycles of conflict, which can harm children more than the initial disagreement itself. Dr. Saini also introduces the concept of using small, incremental goals to gradually restore trust and explains how childhood experiences lay the groundwork for our views on trust in adult relationships. Krista and Dr. Saini also discuss the careful introduction of new partners, adjusting to new family roles after divorce, and recognizing when certain trust-building methods may not be suitable.
During the conversation, you’ll hear more about:
- Dr. Saini compares trust in co-parenting to a bank account. You make deposits over time through consistent, respectful actions, but repeated violations or betrayals, like an affair, drain the account. By the time couples separate, that trust is often deeply overdrawn, making even small agreements hard to reach.
- “Good enough” parenting is a concept Dr. Saini uses to help co-parents let go of the idea that their former partner must parent the same way they do. If the parenting isn’t harmful, it may be imperfect but still okay.
- When trust is broken, unresolved resentment and suspicion can lead to more frequent and intense conflict. That erosion of trust fuels a cycle that keeps co-parents locked in disputes, even when reasonable solutions are readily available.
- One way to begin rebuilding trust is by setting mini goals that are observable and realistic, such as being on time for pickup or maintaining consistent communication.
- Kids learn how to navigate relationships by watching their parents, and when co-parents are constantly in conflict, children absorb those patterns. This can lead to a cycle where children grow up either fearing relationships or over-trusting in unhealthy ones.
- Trust rebuilding is about reflecting on what you’re willing to do to be trustworthy. Dr. Saini encourages parents to ask themselves how they can show consistency and accountability to rebuild faith with their co-parent and with their child.
Rebuilding trust with a former partner can be a minefield. Still, with the right tools and effective communication, you can overcome these barriers to become healthy co-parents for the sake of your children.
If you want to learn more about The Children First Family Law Podcast, check out www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/incremental-trust-building-for-co-parents-a-challenge-from-international-expert-dr-michael-saini.