Key Takeaways
- Co-parenting after divorce isn’t easy—but communication skills can be learned and improved.
- Using the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) can drastically reduce conflict.
- Parenting apps and proactive planning reduce stress and miscommunication.
- Children thrive when parents work as a team—even from two separate households.
- Resources like mediation, parent coaching, and communication tools are available across Colorado.
Introduction
Navigating co-parenting after divorce can feel like being stuck in a group project—with someone you’d probably never choose to collaborate with again. But when that project is the well-being of your child, it becomes the most important one of your life.
In this episode of the Children First Family Law podcast, attorney, mediator, and child advocate Krista Nash breaks down how divorced parents can go from frustration to collaboration by improving their communication. Krista, a seasoned Divorce Attorney in Colorado, shares practical tips drawn from real-world experience in courts throughout Denver, Lakewood, Arvada, Boulder, Colorado Springs, Greeley, Pueblo, and beyond.
Whether you’re a parent, a legal professional, or a mental health provider supporting families through divorce, these insights can help make co-parenting less stressful—and more child-centered.
The Colorado Standard: Why Communication Matters in Family Law
In Colorado, like many states, parenting plans are guided by one central principle: the best interests of the child. That means courts are looking for stability, predictability, and peace in post-divorce parenting arrangements.
Krista explains how critical communication is under this standard. Judges and child advocates pay close attention to how parents interact. “If you can’t learn to communicate better, the court will decide for you,” Krista recalls telling one high-conflict family. That wake-up call ultimately pushed the parents to sort out their issues without further court involvement.
Bottom line? If you communicate well, you stay in control. If not, the court takes over—and your child gets caught in the middle.
Why Is Co-Parenting Communication So Hard?
Even when two parents want what’s best for their child, the emotional residue of divorce can make communication extremely difficult. Krista outlines some of the most common hurdles she sees in her practice:
1. Old Wounds Resurface
A simple scheduling request—“Can you pick up our child at 5?”—can quickly trigger memories of disrespect or emotional pain from the marriage.
2. Mismatched Communication Styles
Maybe one parent prefers detailed emails and the other communicates only through short texts—or avoids interaction altogether. This mismatch causes constant misfires.
3. Scheduling Confusion
Misunderstandings about what “the weekend” means can lead to embarrassing and upsetting scenes at school pickups.
4. Tone Misinterpretation
A neutral text like “Why are you late?” can be read as sarcastic or hostile, reigniting arguments.
5. Lack of Trust
If one parent consistently drops the ball, the other becomes skeptical—even when intentions are good.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step to overcoming them.
Practical Strategies to Improve Co-Parenting Communication
Krista shares several actionable strategies for divorced co-parents to use right away:
Keep It Business-Like
Think of your co-parent as a colleague. Avoid emotionally charged language. Don’t say, “You never do your share!” Instead, stick to the facts: “Can you have your part of the report ready by Friday?”—or in parenting terms, “Can you confirm pickup for Friday at 4?”
Choose the Right Platform
Not every issue belongs in a text. If your child has a medical procedure coming up, an email or co-parenting app is more appropriate. Popular tools include:
- OurFamilyWizard
- TalkingParents
- Civil Communicator
These apps offer:
- Documentation of all messages
- Read receipts
- Shared calendars
- Expense tracking
- Uploads for school and medical info
Courts in Colorado—from Fort Collins to Pueblo—often encourage or require their use because they minimize conflict and keep things organized.
Use the BIFF Method
Developed by Bill Eddy, the BIFF method helps defuse emotionally charged communication:
- Brief: One or two sentences—avoid long explanations.
- Informative: Stick to facts, no blame.
- Friendly: Keep it polite and neutral.
- Firm: Be clear and don’t invite unnecessary back-and-forth.
Examples:
Aggressive Text:
“You’re always late! You only care about yourself!”
BIFF Response:
“I’ll be there at 5:10. Thanks for your patience.”
Critical Comment:
“You’re wasting money on piano lessons. She doesn’t even like it.”
BIFF Response:
“Ella’s lesson is Thursday at 4. Let me know if you’d like the address.”
BIFF responses model calm, adult communication—and over time, this sets a tone of mutual respect.
Set Boundaries
You don’t have to respond instantly. Krista recommends a 24-hour rule for emotionally charged messages (unless it’s urgent).
If you’re overwhelmed, reply with:
“I received your message. I’ll respond by tomorrow.”
Better yet, bake response time expectations into your parenting plan.
Put the Child at the Center—Not in the Middle
This is a phrase worth writing on a sticky note.
Children should never be messengers. If Dad is going to be late, he should text Mom directly—not have the child relay the message.
When parents treat each other with respect—whether it’s a wave at exchange or attending the same school play—it makes kids feel safe.
Krista shares a powerful reminder: “One teen told me, ‘I feel like a ping pong ball between my parents.’” Don’t let that be your child’s reality.
Plan Ahead
Give early notice about changes to vacations, sports, or large expenses like braces. Don’t drop big decisions last minute—especially financial ones.
Example:
“We’ll need to discuss Johnny’s orthodontic consultation. I’d like to review options together before moving forward.”
Hit Pause When Emotions Are High
Don’t send a text while your thumbs are on fire.
Krista suggests:
- Sleep on it.
- Ask a neutral friend or therapist to review your message.
- Use a tool like ChatGPT to rewrite your message in a more respectful tone (with anonymized language).
If a judge or your child read your message, would it make you proud?
Celebrate Small Wins
If your co-parent does something cooperative—acknowledge it.
- “Thanks for switching weekends. I appreciate your flexibility.”
- “It was great to sit together at the school concert. I think it meant a lot to Ella.”
Small wins build momentum for better co-parenting.
Your Kids Are Watching—Always
They see your facial expressions, hear your phone calls, and notice the tension (or lack thereof) at drop-off.
If you roll your eyes or refuse to say “hello” to the other parent, your child internalizes that stress. Even if you think you’re hiding it—you’re not.
Instead, aim to model calm, respectful behavior. One child told Krista, “I can’t believe my parents got me a present together. They’ve never done that.” That moment meant everything.
Think Like a Team: “Team Lily”
Krista encourages parents to imagine they are both on Team [Child’s Name]—not opposing teams.
If Mom wants a family vacation and Dad wants basketball camp the same week, they should ask:
“What’s best for Team Lily?”
That question reframes the conflict toward cooperation, not competition. When both parents commit to this mindset, children thrive.
Resources for Divorced Co-Parents in Colorado
If communication still feels impossible, help is available:
1. Parenting Classes & Coaching
- Colorado requires a co-parenting class for divorce. The Center for Divorce Education offers a great online course.
- Krista will soon launch a Parent Coaching Program through Children First Family Law.
2. Mediation & Parenting Coordinators
- Mediation can resolve disputes outside of court.
- Parenting Coordinators and Decision-Makers (PCDMs) can help with ongoing issues.
3. Co-Parent Counseling
- Therapists like Shelly Bresnik and Jill Reiter offer programs focused on respectful co-parenting—not rehashing the past.
4. Books, Films & Podcasts
- Check out the Split documentary series on children of divorce.
- Subscribe to the Children First Family Law podcast for expert interviews and tips every week.
Call to Action
Co-parenting doesn’t have to be a battleground. With the right tools and mindset, you can communicate better, reduce conflict, and build a stable environment your child deserves.
If you’re struggling to manage co-parenting communication—or navigating a post-divorce parenting plan—let us help.
📞 Call [Children First Family Law] at (720) 252-9638
📅 Schedule a consultation today: https://childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/contact/
Krista Nash and her team serve families across Denver, Lakewood, Arvada, Boulder, Colorado Springs, Greeley, and Pueblo—and they’re here to help you move from frustration to collaboration.