Holidays can be a powerful mix of joy, excitement, nostalgia, and pressure, especially for families navigating separation or divorce. While adults often brace for difficult conversations, strained schedules, and extended-family expectations, children feel these tensions too.
In this episode of the Children First Family Law®️ podcast, Krista interviews psychologist Dr. Marlene Bizub about how families can approach the holidays with less conflict and more intention.
With nearly 30 years of experience working in the courts, Dr. Bizub explains why holiday emotions often intensify after a family breakup. Traditions change, routines shift, and kids may grieve the loss of former celebrations, even when they seem cheerful on the surface. Dr. Bizub emphasizes that while adults may try to recreate old traditions, what children need most is consistency, calm, and the freedom to enjoy the season without rushing between houses or feeling caught in parental tension.
One of the biggest pitfalls she sees is splitting the day. While it may seem fair to divide the Christmas or Thanksgiving hours equally, it often leaves children exhausted and overwhelmed. Dr. Bizub encourages parents to prioritize the child’s experience over the calendar because kids rarely care about having a holiday on the exact date. They care about connection and feeling considered. Creating new traditions, even small ones, can ease the pressure and help children build positive memories in both homes.
Blended families add another layer. Kids may feel unsure about how to relate to new partners or stepsiblings, especially during holiday gatherings. Dr. Bizub suggests giving kids time, respecting their boundaries, and letting them articulate what feels comfortable rather than forcing a new “family picture” before they’re ready. This patience can prevent resentment and help healthier relationships form naturally.
Flexibility is another theme that runs throughout the conversation. Flights get canceled. Storms roll in. Illness hits at the worst moment. Rather than arguing over lost time, Dr. Bizub encourages parents to take the high road: make up time later, be generous when plans fall apart, and build goodwill that strengthens co-parenting over the long term. Children remember who made things easier—not who kept score.
The holidays may not look the way you imagined, but they can still be meaningful. By focusing on your child’s needs, being flexible with scheduling, and creating space for new traditions, you can turn a stressful season into an opportunity for connection and growth. Most importantly, you can show your child that even in moments of change, their emotional world comes first.
If you want to learn more about the Children First Family Law Podcast, check out www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/co-parenting-over-the-holidays-with-dr-marlene-bizub