Blending a family after divorce isn’t easy, and no two families do it the same way. In this episode of the Children First Family Law podcast, Krista Nash speaks with Dr. Ann Ordway, a family law attorney, parenting coordinator, and stepfamily coach, about creating emotionally safe and functional blended families.
Start with the Truth: Stepfamilies Begin with Loss
Dr. Ordway reminds parents that most stepfamilies begin after a major disruption—divorce, estrangement, or the death of a parent. While adults may feel hopeful in new relationships, children often carry unresolved grief. Parents who move too fast risk compounding that emotional weight.
Instead of rushing into introductions or cohabitation, parents need to slow the pace. Let kids process. Give them time. Build trust before trying to blend households.
Take a Gradual Approach
Dr. Ordway lays out a child-centered approach:
- Introduce new partners slowly and casually
- Delay cohabitation until the relationship feels stable and the children feel secure
- Avoid drastic changes like moving bedrooms or reassigning space
- Prioritize routines that help kids feel grounded
Children notice everything. Sudden changes create stress. They need time to adjust and space to form their own relationships with new family members.
Build Individual Relationships
Each child responds differently to change. Some may welcome a new stepparent. Others may resist or withdraw. Dr. Ordway encourages parents to meet each child where they are, without pressure or expectation.
One-on-one time helps. So does treating stepchildren and biological children with the same care and attention. Kids pick up on favoritism and unequal treatment, even when unintentional.
Collaborate Across Households
Blended families work better when the adults communicate. In her own stepfamily, Dr. Ordway and her co-parents built mutual respect, shared holidays, and even vacationed together. Not every family can do that, but all parents can aim for consistency and clarity.
Even small acts of collaboration, like agreeing on routines or coordinating transitions, show kids they don’t have to pick sides.
Repair When You’ve Made Mistakes
Dr. Ordway doesn’t sugarcoat it. Most parents get something wrong in the early stages. But mistakes don’t mean failure. You can rebuild trust by acknowledging missteps, being honest with your children, and adjusting your approach.
Parents who show humility, patience, and presence help their children thrive, even in complex family structures.
If you want to learn more about the Children First Family Law Podcast, check out www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com/blending-stepfamilies-with-heart-and-wisdom-dr-ann-ordway.